i showed up early and walked around nervously
then i went to the apartment and buzzed up and was let in
a few people were going to be late so we sat around (clothed) eating and drinking and talking about TV shows and whatnot
when everyone showed up, we took our clothes off, and i felt completely okay with that - not a moment of reservation or nervousness as it was happening
i piled up my clothes in a corner and sat down cross-legged, naked, showing off everything, not caring that my body isn’t thin or conventionally pretty
not giving a shit that my ladyparts aren’t pornographic in nature
we talked about masturbation and sex and porn and being single and taking conscious breaks from sexuality
we talked about all sorts of things
we talked for a long long time and i felt comfortable even though i didn’t know a single person there when i sat down
i ate and drank a lot and laughed a lot and revealed a lot of personal information without caring
when we had covered all the topics, some sexy dancey music was put on the stereo
and we danced in front of a camera
each individually and then as a group
and i didn’t care if my dancing was dorky or if i looked silly
i just felt sexy and free and supremely belonging to myself completely
like all that mattered was being tipsy and naked and proud of my body
and i danced in front of the camera first before anyone else did, because i didn’t care and i felt wonderful
and then other ladies took their turn and i watched them and smiled and talked about experiences casually
when it was time to go, i put on my shoes and stumbled drunkenly into the street
and everyone said their goodbyes and i called my mom
and she was on her way home from a different party, in a cab, so she offered to come and get me
and through my stupor i tried to instruct her about where i was, and her cab driver managed to figure it out
and he took us home and now i’m sipping water trying to sober up and process tonight’s events