Part 2: *** also not to mention he was really rude about my own writing when we first meet. I can’t talk to him about it because I don’t want another fight nor do I want him to know I saw them. Thank you for your help Kate you’re amazing at advice.
I have a controversial opinion on this but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding onto keepsakes from past relationships. I certainly still have all the love letters and poems and cards I was ever sent by past beaux, and I’d be done with anyone who tried to get me to throw them away, because a) that’s waaaaay too controlling and possessive for me and b) those things are harmless. I keep them because they’re a link to a different time in my history and identity, not because I’m still pining over those people.
That said, it’s hard to tell from your message what kind of relationship your boyfriend has with this girl, and I bet it’s hard for you to tell as well, or you wouldn’t be writing to me. She could just be a very close friend or there could be some romantic feelings there.
I don’t think there’s necessarily anything malevolent about telling a close friend details about your relationship – that’s kind of what close friends are there for. But if you’re really uncomfortable with him sharing certain details about you with other people, you should tell him that and draw that line in the sand.
You should also have a talk with him about whether he has romantic feelings for this girl. Make sure he feels supported and heard, not attacked. If he feels like he’s being attacked or vindicated then he’s likely to go into defensive mode and not give you any real answers. Do your best to be understanding and kind, even if you’re mad and hurt inside. Listen to what he says, and then think about whether you still want to be with him.
I know you said you “can’t talk to him about it” but frankly that’s bullshit. You HAVE to talk to him about it. Relationships REQUIRE open and honest communication. If you’re unwilling or unable to communicate honestly with the person you’re seeing, then you’re not ready to be dating because that is a critical skill for dating.
Wishing you the best of luck, love! Remember, you’re worth better than someone who makes you feel shitty, and if your relationship is worth hanging onto, it’s worth fighting for. And if not, that’s okay too.