hey! i want to stop wearing a bra and grow out my arm pit hair. firstly, i hate bras, they never fit me right. i'm a 36 C and although it makes my breasts look perky and full i hate the hassle. the issue is i am afraid that since my breasts are more saggy then perky it will not look good at all. i am also afraid my breasts will sag even more. as for the armpit hair i am afraid my boyfriend will not find my attractive anymore, and that i wil be judged by others. what is your advice? thanks

I think you should get your breasts measured by a professional if you haven’t already. I used to wear a 36B and it turned out I’m actually a 32D. My properly-fitted bras make me look and feel a lot better.

You could also check out non-standard bra options, like “bralettes” and bras without underwires. I find them soooooo much more comfortable than the underwired kind.

If you reeeally don’t want to wear a bra, one last option you could try is those stretchy tank tops that have a built-in shelf bra. They’re often sold at places that have good basics, like American Apparel and Gap.

You could try going totally braless, but the options above are good for if you find you’re not happy with how your boobs look without a bra.

As for armpit hair, you might want to have a chat with your boyfriend about it if that’s what you’re worried about.

I hang out in a lot of queer/feminist spaces and I STILL find it hard to be out in public with armpit hair, to be honest. It makes me feel unpretty and like people are staring at me.

I’d recommend that you examine your motivations for doing these things. Is it for comfort/laziness reasons (i.e. you find bras insufferably uncomfortable on your ribcage and you’re tired of constantly having to shave your pits)? If so, there are workarounds – more comfortable options (wireless bras, bralettes), less annoying options (epilators, periodic waxing), etc. If you want to do them to be transgressive or to make a statement, that’s cool too. But you gotta be brave to do that. Braver than me, anyway!

I would suggest you find some lady role models who have pit hair and rock it, like Amanda Palmer or Sadie Lune. Any time you’re feeling nervous/insecure about yo’ pits, just imagine you’re one of those ladies.

And if you really hate it, don’t feel like you have to stick with it. Femme is a legitimate identity, and many femmes take care of their bodies in conventionally feminine ways, and it doesn’t mean they’re any less transgressive, feminist, or strong. It’s just the way they like to look, and that is THEIR CHOICE completely.