Today I am thinking about how grateful I am to the sex-positivity movement for helping me (slowly but surely) un-learn many of the shitty messages I internalized about sex when I was younger.
Some of them are still with me. Like the knee-jerk negative reaction I have when I hear about a man wanting to be with a woman for solely sexual reasons.
When I was a kid, I legitimately believed I would wait until getting married to have sex, because I had internalized the ideas that a) men only want women for sex, b) women who have “given it up” are thereafter worthless to men, and c) the only type of boyfriend worth keeping around is one who doesn’t prioritize sex.
Umm… Those are some extremely awful beliefs to hold. But they were instilled in me by the culture and it took years to shake ‘em off.
Nowadays I understand intellectually that there is nothing wrong with someone pursuing another person solely for sex – provided that both are on the same page and that there’s no lying or deception going on. Sex is fun, (ideally) mutually pleasurable, and it doesn’t have to signal anything deeper than what it is. Why should I believe it’s wrong for someone to want a fun experience like sex? Why should I be offended if someone finds me attractive enough to want to fuck me?
Like I said, I still have a negative reaction right off the bat in situations like these, because those bad beliefs are still looming over me a little bit, but I’m working on it! I want to be able to feel fully flattered when sexually propositioned, rather than feeling grossed out and “used” and undervalued. Slowly slowly changing my psychological patterns… with the help of sex-positive friends and influences.