(cont’d) and its not awkward. another issue is that this year is the first year where i have started to drink/smoke/party and i think its super fun. issues is i dont want to bring him. i want to have fun and i feel like i don’t want to bring him im not sure why…hes no tinto parties or drinking or smoking anyways because he did a lot of that when he was younger.
Obviously I don’t have the full story, so it’s hard for me to really diagnose the issues here, but if I had to guess, I’d say that it sounds like you’re feeling a bit smothered by the closeness and involvedness of your boyfriend. You two go to the same school and share the same locker, so you must be around each other a lot, maybe even more than the average couple your age. That can be hard to deal with sometimes, especially when you’re in the middle of a transformational period of your life (which, indeed, high school can be).
If you need space, that’s something you have to be able to discuss with him. I did this once and it didn’t go over well, so learn from my mistake: make sure he knows it’s not about him and it’s not necessarily permanent. Just let him know you need to spend more time on your own, or with your friends, or whatever, but that you still adore him and still want to be with him (if indeed you do).
Then start doing things that make you happy and that don’t involve him. I firmly believe that every person who’s in a relationship needs to have their own activities and friends that are separate from their partner, or else they risk becoming co-dependent, which is not good. Whenever I start to feel excessively clingy, I hang out with other friends or do some kind of solo creative project or spend a night alone, and I always feel better and less crowded afterward.
Hope that helps! Feel free to provide more info if you think I didn’t quite understand what the issues are.