Studies show that only 25 to 30 per cent of women can reach orgasm from penetration alone… and there’s some evidence that those orgasms are actually the result of the internal clitoral network and/or the mild friction and tugging that a clitoris might experience during penetrative sex if it’s located close enough to the vagina.
So basically, yes – for women, as a general rule, penetration is not the be-all and end-all of pleasure. There are women who prefer vaginal stimulation to clitoral, but they are rare (I’ve met exactly two of these women in my entire life).
I think the way for a heterosexual man to be a good lover is to recognize the function and importance of the clitoris… but at the same time, both men and women need to be aware that the clitoris is not the only avenue for female pleasure.
For example, many women report that clitoral stimulation combined with vaginal stimulation is their favorite way to get off.
In practical terms, this means that if you’re not incorporating clitoral stimulation into intercourse, you are seriously missing out. Use your fingers, have your partner use theirs, or even pull out a vibrator. Just get some clit action happening somehow. For the majority of women, this will make or break their penetrative sex experiences.
It’s also worth noting that foreplay is a really important factor for most women, whereas most guys could take it or leave it. So if you’re not getting enough foreplay, that could be part of the problem.